After years of wishing I’d meet “Mr. Right,” I took matter into my own hands. Well, fingers, I suppose. My brother met his fiancé on PlentyofFish.com, and I’ve been told by many others that they met their partners online as well. I refuse to pay for something that I should be able to do myself, so I used Plenty of Fish. I put a pretty picture of myself, posted a profile describing what I want and don’t want, and off I went on my adventure.

I’ve met a woman from the Fort Worth Lap Band support group Facebook page who has become a guru, of sorts, to me. She was telling me how to have a great profile, what kind of picture, etc… Unfortunately, for me, things didn’t work out quite as well as I’d hoped. Within a minute of posting my profile with the picture, I started getting hits. I’m not sure that’s the right term, but being that we are talking about dating “hits” seems like it would be correct. I was surprised, because when I tried many moons ago, on another dating site, I didn’t get but a few hits in a number of days. “Was it the picture?” I thought to myself. “Maybe I actually found some quality guys”. There’s a Meet Me option. Many of my hits were just that. This told me three things.

1. These guys weren’t reading my profile AT ALL, because I said, very plainly, I’m NOT looking for hook ups!

2. Quality guys were NOT looking at my profile.

3. It WAS the picture bringing all the boys to the yard, because all they could see were the milk(shake) jugs, and would start salivating.

::banging head:::

The picture is a very pretty one taken of me at my brother’s wedding. However, I’m a bit well endowed. Well, okay, I’ll admit it, I have Tig-ol-bitties. Okay?! There, I said, it. I admit it!

The most poetic of all the guys said to me, “I love lookin’ at those big’ol girls on your picture!” Dude, piss off! EW!

Another one flat out asked me to meet up with him to give him a….well, a thrill. Big tits does NOT equal Hooker!

Another guy wanted to meet up to show me a good time, because being a big girl I’ve never been banged like he could do me. EW EW EW! Offending me right off the bat isn’t going to get you anywhere, then going THERE?! Some mama’s and daddy’s did piss poor jobs raising these guys!
I was in the 5th ring of hell, searching desperately for my way out, even though Mom and I were having a great time laughing at these jackasses. After the insult, I had enough. I couldn’t delete my profile fast enough!

I contacted my dating guru, and told her what had happened. She was so apologetic, like she’d done something wrong. Dori, darlin’, you had nothing to do with the animals that were stalking this prey. Luckily, I’m pretty spry, and can get out of situations quickly. “You will be deleted” ~ Cybermen


The main thing I learned that night is that you have to keep trying. I don’t want to give up, or give in. Yeah, it would be nice to meet someone the old fashioned way, but my social life revolves around my family. That sounds pathetic, I’m sure, but I spent 99% of my time with my sister and nieces. Our lives pretty much revolve around the girls, and I love that about my life. I likely won’t be blessed with kids, so I get to be the cool aunt. I revel in that. That said, it’s not the easiest, or best place to meet someone! IF I get to meet other adults, they are usually mom who are taking their kids to dance class. The only guys that hang around there are dads and grandfathers who are married.

Patience is a virtue, and one I’ve had to learn. Even as a child, I’ve never been patient. This is a lesson, I guess.

I should really try again, and ignore the BS that comes my way. However, I’m a firm believer in time. I know that in time, God will send the guy He wants me to be with. You know what? He may not. That’s okay too. I guess. HAHA! Until then, I’m collecting survival gear for my next spelunking adventure into Online Dating.


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